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And so she returns from her unannounced hiatus..

22 Jul

with sadly, not much news, my readers. Electronics haven’t exactly been my friends this summer. In the past few months I have faced the loss of my camera, my laptop, my blackberry, my back-up phone, and my ipod is even facing a “solar eclipse syndrome.” Hopefully you all understand that my unannounced hiatus is really due to my inspiration wilting along with each electronic device that has failed me.
But, I’m here now! So lets get down to business, shall we? I had a thought today, readers, while stumbling across an extreme fashion faux pas as I was (embarrassingly, yet admittedly) watching a re-run of the ever classic teen dramedy of the nought decade, The OC. Julie Cooper (remember her? Newport’s Cruella DeVille) bends down revealing a RED G-STRING that is not merely peeking out of her embarrassingly low-cut jeans, but is absolutely EXPLODING out of them.
This got me thinking- season 3 of The OC was aired in 2006- VERY bad year for fashion, if I remember correctly. Of course, back then I was a chubby, frizzy haired teen who coveted such obscure trends (cringe, I know.) That being said, I’ve carefully crafted a list of fashion trends that I strongly disapprove of and ones that I consider timeless. A disclaimer, dear readers: if any of you are guilty of such fashion crimes, I will forgive you for committing them- just forgive me for being extremely forward.
Smee Hates:

-Obviously, Low cut jeans, “hip-huggers” whatever the hell you want to call them, they’re ugly. They show your underwear, they give you cameltoe.. most people can’t even pull them off (I don’t care how thin you are) and they’re usually guilty of being flared and/or having no bum pockets. Jeans are not meant to BE low cut. LOOK AT THIS!

This is just ridiculous! And see, I was right. Flared with no bum pockets.
Pageboy Hats: You just can’t take someone seriously when they wear one. Especially when its tilted to the side. I know ONE person who can pull off a Pageboy- amongst other fashion faux pas as well (she just manages to make them work- Love ya, Cup 😉 ) but, I’m assuming most other people aren’t as fab as she is so.. no. Do us all a favour and ditch the Pageboy.

This is just wrong on so many different levels.

*Update: We don’t mind Pageboy hats on men, though. I don’t know why, they just don’t look as bad in them. They actually even look a little cute sometimes.. my dad wears them a la Bill Cosby 🙂 But to all you women out there, this does not excuse your Page Boy hats.
Sweatpants that have things written on the ass: They’ve always made me really angry, especially when they’re velour. I don’t care if you’re travelling. They’re ugly. I’ve taken more 13 hour flights than I can count and I can proudly say that not ONCE have I EVER worn a velour tracksuit with ANY words printed on my ass.

Unforgivable. Even more unforgivable than..

Uggs: The “ugg-liest”, most pointless shoe ever created. Even more so than Crocs! Crocs are ugly, but they’re reserved for Mums and their Orthopedic issues. And maybe little kids. But Uggs.. I’m sorry. As long as you’re not running down to the Dep or you live right next to the metro and you’re going to the gym or something, you’re not allowed to wear them. First of all, they’re pointless. Worst snow shoe ever! They don’t even work.. they ALWAYS get ruined, and people who actually think they’re trendy are wearing them in places that are too warm (I’m talking to you, Kuwait.)

Why would anybody ever proudly sport these? I rest my case.

-Armani Sunglasses: they’re disgusting, they look Euro Trash, and they’ve always reminded me of Jennifer Lopez meets The Terminator.

Note to self and the rest of Mankind: Never take fashion advice from Kim Kardashian. If the Sunglasses aren’t proof enough, then the gigantic K on her chest should be.

I’ll stop with the negativity before I become too offensive. Dear readers, I simply care about all of you AND my city. That is why I’m doing this! I’ve even constructed a list of fashionable alternatives to the faux pas that we constantly find ourselves guilty of.

For example, Smee Loves:

High Waisted Skinny Jeans

Taken from www.

MUCH better. Especially when its cut at the ankle in a delicate, 1960s reminiscent fashion. This elongates the lower part of your body, ladies. Urban Outfitters does a good High Waisted Skinny.
Another form of high waisted jeans is the 90’s short that we all know and love from our childhood

Absolutely beautiful. Side note: Stumbled upon this website as I was searching for the perfect example of 90’s shorts. Creepily enough, I have the exact same style as this woman, but I approve of and recommend

Kennedy Holmes

Now, lets move on- shall we?
I also approve of
-Bicycle Shorts: who can hate them? They’re funner, more breathable alternative to working out in nasty velour tracksuits that say “Juicy” on your ass.

Sure, they’re not the most FLATTERING thing ever, but come on.. they have so much personality and so many memories! I have the exact same pair of bicycle shorts as shown above and I’m probably the funnest person at the gym when I wear them. Plus, they make your butt look great.

-Mukluks: A MUCH cuter (and more cultured) alternative to Uggs.

Granted, Mukluks aren’t exactly amazing for the snow either, but they ARE better than Uggs. They’re warmer, cuter, have way more personality, if worn correctly they can add an “Esque-imo” like charm to any cosy winter outfit, and they’re so Canadian it makes me smile 🙂
Besides, I have those black ones and I love them.

-Rayban Wayfarers: Preferred ones are vintage Clubmasters, but those are harder to find than one may think

The perfect sunglasses. 🙂

I guess that’s it for now, stay tuned for future updates of Fashion Do’s and Don’ts.. Next time: Really long necklaces, Stripes, and platform shoes, versus leggings when they don’t need to happen, boxed shaped mini skirts, and tops with random buttons. Can you guess which side I’m for?


The Only Thing Worth Documenting in DC…

29 Apr

.. or shall I call it: Snoozetown USA. This city is so unstylish it hurts. The metro breaks down while you’re ON it (and it closes way too early.) and Chinatown doesn’t even LOOK Chinese! It consists of a bunch of American chains with their logos translated in Chinese.

Is that really all the capitol of the “free world” has to contribute to their immigrants? Really? Come on, America. Stop being so lazy!

However, I did fall in love with SOMETHING in this city. Those of you who know me (and can’t help but love me) will remember that I happen to be very fond of vegan/vegetarian cuisine. And you may also remember my one-month vegan experiment that occurred in January ( y’all know you miss those days of my nagging and secretly smelling cheese.) So you can imagine how excited I was to find that Washington DC has its very own (and pretty bitchin’) vegan bakery called Sticky Fingers.

Attractive name, innit?

Sticky Fingers was my second home in DC. My second day here, my ass spent five hours glued to the comfortable plush-like hot pink booth chair in the back working on my essay. In fact, I’m sitting outside there right now, stealing their internet. So you can see why I came back here today to have one of their orgasmic (and completely vegan) Cupcakes.

And that, madames et monsieurs, was the highlight of the DC portion of my Urban Extravaganza.

That and the fact that H et M isn’t taxed here. (Boycotting my ass. Why must I be such a hypocrite when it comes to fashion!?)

Check it out if you’re ever in DC. Its on 14th and Park, surrounded by a bunch of corporate American chains.

Note: this is where to find the Hipsters of DC.

And now, I’m off to New York.

I’ll keep you posted, mes amis!

Smee in the City

Tdot in a Nutshell: We Don’t Hate It.

25 Apr

Habs vs. Maple Leafs. Mount Royal vs. The CN Tower. Vieux-Port vs. Old Town Toronto. Ossignton Ave. vs. Avenue du Parc. McGill/Concordia vs. University of Toronto/Ryerson.
Montreal definitely wins, but Toronto isn’t exactly the shittiest place on earth.

So, lets go over the pros and cons of the city, shall we?


Kensington Market/The abundance of Vintage Stores:

This hipster haven is absolutely swarming with impressive vintage stores and boutiques. I was actually blown away! Although we have a lot of vintage stores in Montreal (please. nobody should even QUESTION this. They’re called friperies- get off your ass, go to The Mile End, and find one.) the vintage stores in Kensington are crammed together, and have either an upscale, organized boutique feel or a junky treasure trove feel.

I recommend: Courage My Love. This place has a bunch of drawers with underpinnings, jewelry, beads, keys, charms, scarves, and environmental lunch bags! (I knew Ishould’ve gotten one. They’re a fashionable and environmentally friendly substitute for brown paper bags- which is what I often carry my lunch in.)

The size of the city:

‘Nuff said. I love a big city- while Montreal is much prettier than Toronto, hands down, (and more cultured)- Tdot is bigger. This means public transportation runs longer, and you’ll be able to find almost anything you’re looking for. But sorry, Torontonians. You can pretend all you want, but Toronto is NOT New York.

*Just a thought: If I do end up moving to Tdot in the next couple of years, my new blog should be called “This is Not New York”. Hmmm…

Now, I know the “pros” list is short. The rest of the pros are honestly little things.. The city has some great Universities, there’s always something to do, there are “open minded” cafes (please, the jig was up a long time ago.) And it would be nice to be living in an anglophone (for the most part) city. But those two descriptive pros are the ones that got to me the most, honestly.

Now for the cons.

-The cupcakes suck:

C’mon. Look at that. You call that a cupcake! they were TOO FLAT and it wasn’t good.

-Its too expensive:

Montreal is SO much cheaper than Toronto. In fact, you don’t realize how cheap Montreal is until you go to any other city in Canada. Yes, Toronto- we know.. your taxes are less than ours, but our taxes go towards keeping our city clean and interesting for the public: we have all these awesome events for the community: Nuit Blanche, JazzFest, Formula One, Juste pour Rire… Now I’m just rambling. But you know what I mean. What do you have Toronto- HUH?!

Did you know that for students, a public transportation pass (equivalent to the OPUS) is about 70 CAD in Tdot whereas in Montreal its about 40 CAD?Come on, man. Come ON.

-Its not that Pretty:

There’s nothing really NICE to look at in Toronto. Montreal seems to have more parks that are better maintained and just more attractive in general. Same goes for the way apartments and the metro are presented. The Keeks hates the presentation of Toronto’s public transportation. I thought it was okay- kind of interesting, actually (I like the way the Streetcars go into the subway station.) I mean, a subway is a subway. It seems like Toronto doesn’t really have the patience for Pretty. Which brings me to my next point.

-Torontonians need to RELAX:

I get it- its a big city. You’re in a hurry. But fuck, man. Move out of the way. You don’t OWN the city. Have some consideration.. remember, we live in CANADA. (That was totally a burn to the American readers out there.)

All in all, Toronto isn’t that bad. Yeah, if I lived there I totally would just give up on Hockey as an entertaining sport (nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk) and I’d probably see slightly less stylish people, AND I would be broke.. but I don’t think living there would be the end of the world.

I’m in DC now, but more on that later. Probably within the next few days- but don’t get pushy. I’m not in Fake Paris for another week.. remember, even Bloggers deserve a bit of a vacation.


Smee in the City.

Crème Glacée on a Buzzkill of a Day

14 Apr

Sigh, Grumble, and Moan.

Its that time of year again. The time of year when my allergies kick in and my cigarettes taste like kabab.

I’ve been feeling so stuffy lately- in general. Especially with this balmy, humid weather the city is deciding to indulge in. Seriously, Montreal. Where’s the cool, crisp, rainy April we all know and love? And we’ve already reached the middle of the month! Bring on some April showers so we can get our May flowers on, yo!

I’m actually looking quite forward to the tulips that are planted throughout the city.

So I should have posted this yesterday, but I had a 9am American Poetry final today. How did I do? Lets just say at this point, I’m not thinking about that. I’m thinking about how happy I am to get away from that professor. The man seems nice and all, but he DOES NOT know how to lecture! Please! Stop with your jargon and nasal stuttering- I mean, you’ve already ruined Eliot for me! What next? To this very day I’m grateful for missing the class where he went over confessional poetry. Sylvia and I have this thing.

Anyway, yesterday I had an appointment with an academic advisor who not only looked like Father Christmas but also encouraged me to increase my bad-ass-ness by turning my Major in English Literature (which is officially complete) to a Specialization- for an extra fifteen credits of Post-Colonialism and MORE British Literature. Shall I partake in this, my readers? Or is a specialization just a tool- making you THINK you’re badass and you’re one step closer to being Michelle Pfeifer from Dangerous Minds (who I’ve been aspiring to be since the tender, confused age of six.) but you’re really just chaining yourself to extra school time and extra tuition. What to do, what to do, what to do?

Feeling pensive after leaving this appointment, (and giggly after leaving my cat’s estranged father’s house, Abu Pusshycatuh, further known as AP) The Keeks and I decide to participate in one of the city’s most anticipated, annual events: Free Ice Cream Cone Day at Ben and Jerry’s.

Montrealers LOVE their ice cream. Everywhere you go, there’s a place that sells ice-cream. The word crème glacée manages to pop up on even the most unexpected of sources: like the Tabagie or the Dep. So imagine what the line-up outside this opportunity was like.

We waited in line for about 25 minutes, debating whether or not we should just give up our craving. When we were finally able to get inside, the most fun flavours were all out! And it was nuts in there! 

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I personally love half-baked and cookie dough. I think baked goods and ice cream is a great combination, so its no surprise that I opted for a Rasberry Cheesecake scoop. Would have preferred cookie dough, however.

The Keeks knew what she wanted right away. There’s no messing with that girl when it comes to dessert. Give her anything chocolatey and she’ll be a happy camper for days.

Ben and Jerry’s Free Cone Day happens once a year, during the beginning of Spring (basically, around this time.) There are more than one locations within in the city, (a couple downtown, one in No Damn Good.. ) but we were at the one on Crescent and Maisonneuve, next to the Strip Bar/ Cafe, Wanda’s and Cafe M.

Because awesome outfits got in the way..

11 Apr

Let me introduce you to my city and my neighbourhood. The Keeks and I reside here .

This automatically makes us feel superior, since our borough has been listed one of the top fifteen hippest neigbourhoods of North America. Sure, that was in 1997, but since North America tends to maintain its dorkiness and only so many cities can continuously be considered as “hip” (NYC, Vancouver, San Francisco and of course, Montreal being four classic cool North American cities right there) we will assume that the ranking of the Plateau holds its position today.

Besides, there is a whole neighbourhood dedicated to being Portuguese- how is that not awesome?

Our district is filled with notable parks and endless cafes. The Plateau is usually compared to other North American districts like Brooklyn and Haight-Ashbury.. only you might as well just slap on some poutine because its hardcore French Canadian. Today, we happened to visit both a park AND a cafe!
Because.. its Sunday and that’s what Montrealers do on Spring Sundays. They wear awesome clothes, go to the Park to cure their hangovers, then have breakfast at 3pm.

As we exit Little Portugal, wave goodbye to the creepy old man who was watching us from the cafe’s window, and continue onto Duluth street, we find ourselves in the beautiful (and highly Francophone) area of Parc LaFontaine

Although the park’s dreariness hasn’t fully recovered from this year’s long, torturous winter, the promise of Spring lingered in the air. Jacket-less lovers and singletons alike were dotted around the vast landscape of the LaFontaine. It was nice.

And there were ducks too 🙂

Because there’s only so much cloudy day park fun a girl can take, we decide to grab a bite to eat at Universel on the corner of St Denis and Cherrier.

Universel has pretty good breakfasts, but apparently their cutlery has boogers on it.

Needless to say, I ditched the booger cutlery and replaced it with the cutlery on the next table. That’s how you do it here, don’t bitch to the staff because.. well.. its Montreal. They’ll just be bitchy. If it’s broke, fix it yourself.

So, we go ahead and order. Keeks gets the blueberry pancakes and my empty stomach opts for something a little more daring, so I order a combination of.. drumroll.. pancakes AND eggs.

I know. I ate eggs. Its been so long, and Frankly, I was a little bit nervous about them. (If any of you know me, you’ll know how I feel about  eggs- the trauma.. oh, the trauma..)

But they were good! Buttery and the added cheese was perfect. Keeks loved her pancakes, she said they were the perfect pancake. I thought mine were okay- honestly, nothing beats the made from Aunt Jemimah mix pancakes I used to have as a kid on Christmas mornings with my sisters back in Kuwait.

The sausages, however. Well, that’s a different story. I have.. another complicated relationship with beef and pork. I’m in denial, you see. I eat them sparingly (especially pork), but if there’s one thing the Canadians know how to do, is prepare a good pork-based breakfast meat. Mmm.. So taboo..

But we can ignore the weird pig-fat Pâté that came along with everything.

All in all, breakfast was good and the prices were reasonable- not too different than other basic plateau diners like Dusty’s or Beauty’s- maybe a bit yummier, if you’re willing to make the trek to the area.

Although maybe it’s just me and how I’m opposed to most breakfast foods that are egg based, but my stomach and hips would not stop asking me “was this worth it?” during my ten-block walk home. However, I ALWAYS regret breakfast food, especially when meat is involved- so don’t take that too seriously. Cafe Universel is pretty good, minus the booger cutlery and the pig fat. Its also really close to Parc LaFontaine- so there, I just planned your next Sunday for you.