And so she returns from her unannounced hiatus..

22 Jul

with sadly, not much news, my readers. Electronics haven’t exactly been my friends this summer. In the past few months I have faced the loss of my camera, my laptop, my blackberry, my back-up phone, and my ipod is even facing a “solar eclipse syndrome.” Hopefully you all understand that my unannounced hiatus is really due to my inspiration wilting along with each electronic device that has failed me.
But, I’m here now! So lets get down to business, shall we? I had a thought today, readers, while stumbling across an extreme fashion faux pas as I was (embarrassingly, yet admittedly) watching a re-run of the ever classic teen dramedy of the nought decade, The OC. Julie Cooper (remember her? Newport’s Cruella DeVille) bends down revealing a RED G-STRING that is not merely peeking out of her embarrassingly low-cut jeans, but is absolutely EXPLODING out of them.
This got me thinking- season 3 of The OC was aired in 2006- VERY bad year for fashion, if I remember correctly. Of course, back then I was a chubby, frizzy haired teen who coveted such obscure trends (cringe, I know.) That being said, I’ve carefully crafted a list of fashion trends that I strongly disapprove of and ones that I consider timeless. A disclaimer, dear readers: if any of you are guilty of such fashion crimes, I will forgive you for committing them- just forgive me for being extremely forward.
Smee Hates:

-Obviously, Low cut jeans, “hip-huggers” whatever the hell you want to call them, they’re ugly. They show your underwear, they give you cameltoe.. most people can’t even pull them off (I don’t care how thin you are) and they’re usually guilty of being flared and/or having no bum pockets. Jeans are not meant to BE low cut. LOOK AT THIS!

This is just ridiculous! And see, I was right. Flared with no bum pockets.
Pageboy Hats: You just can’t take someone seriously when they wear one. Especially when its tilted to the side. I know ONE person who can pull off a Pageboy- amongst other fashion faux pas as well (she just manages to make them work- Love ya, Cup 😉 ) but, I’m assuming most other people aren’t as fab as she is so.. no. Do us all a favour and ditch the Pageboy.

This is just wrong on so many different levels.

*Update: We don’t mind Pageboy hats on men, though. I don’t know why, they just don’t look as bad in them. They actually even look a little cute sometimes.. my dad wears them a la Bill Cosby 🙂 But to all you women out there, this does not excuse your Page Boy hats.
Sweatpants that have things written on the ass: They’ve always made me really angry, especially when they’re velour. I don’t care if you’re travelling. They’re ugly. I’ve taken more 13 hour flights than I can count and I can proudly say that not ONCE have I EVER worn a velour tracksuit with ANY words printed on my ass.

Unforgivable. Even more unforgivable than..

Uggs: The “ugg-liest”, most pointless shoe ever created. Even more so than Crocs! Crocs are ugly, but they’re reserved for Mums and their Orthopedic issues. And maybe little kids. But Uggs.. I’m sorry. As long as you’re not running down to the Dep or you live right next to the metro and you’re going to the gym or something, you’re not allowed to wear them. First of all, they’re pointless. Worst snow shoe ever! They don’t even work.. they ALWAYS get ruined, and people who actually think they’re trendy are wearing them in places that are too warm (I’m talking to you, Kuwait.)

Why would anybody ever proudly sport these? I rest my case.

-Armani Sunglasses: they’re disgusting, they look Euro Trash, and they’ve always reminded me of Jennifer Lopez meets The Terminator.

Note to self and the rest of Mankind: Never take fashion advice from Kim Kardashian. If the Sunglasses aren’t proof enough, then the gigantic K on her chest should be.

I’ll stop with the negativity before I become too offensive. Dear readers, I simply care about all of you AND my city. That is why I’m doing this! I’ve even constructed a list of fashionable alternatives to the faux pas that we constantly find ourselves guilty of.

For example, Smee Loves:

High Waisted Skinny Jeans

Taken from www.

MUCH better. Especially when its cut at the ankle in a delicate, 1960s reminiscent fashion. This elongates the lower part of your body, ladies. Urban Outfitters does a good High Waisted Skinny.
Another form of high waisted jeans is the 90’s short that we all know and love from our childhood

Absolutely beautiful. Side note: Stumbled upon this website as I was searching for the perfect example of 90’s shorts. Creepily enough, I have the exact same style as this woman, but I approve of and recommend

Kennedy Holmes

Now, lets move on- shall we?
I also approve of
-Bicycle Shorts: who can hate them? They’re funner, more breathable alternative to working out in nasty velour tracksuits that say “Juicy” on your ass.

Sure, they’re not the most FLATTERING thing ever, but come on.. they have so much personality and so many memories! I have the exact same pair of bicycle shorts as shown above and I’m probably the funnest person at the gym when I wear them. Plus, they make your butt look great.

-Mukluks: A MUCH cuter (and more cultured) alternative to Uggs.

Granted, Mukluks aren’t exactly amazing for the snow either, but they ARE better than Uggs. They’re warmer, cuter, have way more personality, if worn correctly they can add an “Esque-imo” like charm to any cosy winter outfit, and they’re so Canadian it makes me smile 🙂
Besides, I have those black ones and I love them.

-Rayban Wayfarers: Preferred ones are vintage Clubmasters, but those are harder to find than one may think

The perfect sunglasses. 🙂

I guess that’s it for now, stay tuned for future updates of Fashion Do’s and Don’ts.. Next time: Really long necklaces, Stripes, and platform shoes, versus leggings when they don’t need to happen, boxed shaped mini skirts, and tops with random buttons. Can you guess which side I’m for?


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